How To Be Deliriously Happy, For The Rest Of Your Life.
How to make the rest of your life, the best of your life.
Do you want more from life? Or are you happy enough already?
Being disappointed
Most of my life, until I hit my 40s, was spent feeling disappointed.
I was disappointed in my childhood, coming from a broken home and some bad things happening to me.
Leaving home at 15 years old was equally disappointing, and not at all as much fun as I'd thought it would be, as I struggled to keep a roof over my head. I lived in a cottage in the woods, in the middle of nowhere, that was so damp the walls and ceiling turned black. The heating didn't work and in the winter the condensation would freeze on the INSIDE of the single pane windows.
My first baby was born perfect in every way, but I had PND and struggled. My second baby was equally perfect, but so poorly and I was scared of losing him for most of his first year.
My first marriage ended in divorce aged 24, and my second marriage left me with PTSD, suicidal and with an addiction to alcohol that almost killed me. I was in a terrible, embarrassing state.
I blamed everyone else for my misery, amd saw myself as a victim, spiralling deeper and deeper into a drunken misery.
The change
By the time I was 30 years old, I was disappointed with myself too.
I worked out that nobody would make my life better, if that person wasn't me. Nobody was responsible for the way I behaved apart from me and my kids deserved better.
I decided to sort my life out. I kicked the booze, the drugs, and smoking cigarettes and went back to school instead.
It was hard. Really hard. It took more willpower than I ever thought I could muster. There were times when I thought I would cave in. Infact I did twice. But I clawed my way out of it alive. I did it. Me.
I learned many things while getting sober, almost 14 years ago now. Some things more useful than others.
Things like:
To curb a craving, eat a fuck ton of chocolate. Nobody wants a pint after six Mars bars.
If its not in the house, you can't drink it or take it.
If you are asleep you are not craving.
You don't need to worry about what will happen at Christmas, or next weekend, or at cousin nobhead’s birthday do … just concentrate on staying sober and clean for that one day you are living in.
Tell the truth to the world, and hold yourself accountable. It's amazing what you can achieve once you stop hiding what you are doing.
However, the main thing that stuck with me all this time is gratitude.
Being grateful
It was when I learned to be grateful, that I learned how lucky I am in life.
It sounds like a cliche but it is actually the truth.
A wise person told me “if you are not happy with what you have, how will you ever be happy with more of it?”
I very much doubt I will ever have financial wealth, at least not in the form of thousands of pounds in the bank. However what I do have is far better.
I have a roof over my head.
I have food in my belly.
I have a partner who loves me.
I have two adult children (both a son and a daughter.)
I have a dog.
A car.
I'm generally quite healthy.
My work as a dog behaviourist is worthwhile and fulfilling.
My second career as a writer is both therapeutic and relaxing.
I have friends.
I'm safe.
Once I realised what I actually have in life, the chances I have been given, the love I'm surrounded with, I wanted to hang onto it.
I stopped thinking of all the stuff I don't have and feeling sorry for myself. I began to concentrate on how much I DO have. Which is a lot.
I was looking at everything all wrong until that point. My life was not one of lack, it was one of luck.
Plus - I realised I was in control of myself, and my life. Not my violent ex. Not the employers who took advantage of my 15 year old self or the estate agents who palmed me off with a hellhole to live in. Not my addiction.
Me.
Just me.
Being happy
How many people can say they are living a happy life? That they get to enjoy their happy ever after?
Being happy is not something that happens once a set of criteria is filled. Because once you fill that criteria, you find more criteria that stands in the way of your happiness.
You earn x-amount, you want x-amount more.
You live in one house, you want to live in another.
You want a fancy car, you get that car and want the next fancy car.
You get a new phone, a year later you want another.
Want, want, want … More, more, more.
Where does it end?
Being happy is a choice. If you decide that what you have is enough and you make a point of enjoying it, you can be truly happy.
You can choose happiness.
I know of many people who are not as lucky in life as I am. I see them in real life all the time.
I see them staggering around the alcohol aisles and the pub.
I see them in the Doctors.
I see them in the papers.
I see them on the news.
I see them in the ground in the cemetery.
It is when you learn to value what you DO have instead of constantly striving for more, that you find true happiness.
You immediately become richer and luckier than about 3/4 of the rest of the world.
Be happy.
Today's Sub Stats:
Oh my heckin Gods!!! I was hoping for 50 subscribers by the new year, but here we are with 51 subs!!! (The paid one is still just me.)
Thank you 51 people so very much for allowing me to let loose on your inboxes!
Now I need to adjust my target … hmm … let's aim for 100 subscribers by 2025 😀 .
See you all next week.
Such an inspiring story! You are a powerful, bold woman. You take the road and tell it where to take you. Thank you for sharing!