Why You Need To Be Strong, Safe, And Go To Well Woman Clinic
Get your hoohah scratched. It could save your life.
Life as a woman can sometimes be a bit crap.
You can find yourself in positions you do not want to be in. Sometimes you have no choice. Sometimes you do have a choice, but if you don't do the shitty thing you might regret it.
Like smear tests. My heckin Gods do they hurt. At least, mine do because I have a weird uterus and cervix that is wonky and hard to get to, and the speculum doesn't bend around corners.
I had mine today, the smear test of doom. Yes, I did cry. Give me sympathy please.
Being legs akimbo, stark naked from the belly button down, on what looks like a morgue slab for a bed, while a nurse with a metal torture instrument in one hand, pulls that face that plumbers do when faced with a particularly nasty leak, while shaking their head in disbelief at how big a job it will be, is not much fun.
Add to that the fact I don't seem to ever stop bleeding, despite the fact I honestly thought at my age (44) my periods would be slowing down, not getting ten times worse.
But I'm sure as shit that I'd rather do that, than go through cervical cancer like my poor Nan did. If it means i'll be more likely to be ok with my health in the long run, then it was worth it.
My aunt, her daughter, died young with various cancers, and my sister is a childhood cancer survivor. Women in our family seem prone to it. The word “cancer” alone worries me. Statistically at least one or even two in our household alone will get it at some point.
Sometimes you just have to eat the frog.
So I bravely went in and got it over with, before staggering feebly out of the door, propped up by my boyfriend’s strong arms, with promises of coffee and cake at the Costa around the corner for my bravery.
Am absolutely terrified of the day I get dragged in for my first mammogram. But again, popping my baps between some squeezing metal plates will likely be less terrible than the alternative.
The way I feel about these things, nobody would believe I have had a 28 hour labour with one baby, and that my other baby was 8lb 10 oz and I had him without even so much as a puff of gas and air. I was much tougher in my twenties when they were born.
The Fear.
How does a pair of torture tongs and an extra long cotton bid scare me so much?
I believe some of it is down to the PTSD I developed because of my second marriage.
Being brutalised and humiliated in all ways will do that to a person, and having my dignity painfully removed is a reminder of how I felt when he did that to me. The fact that I chose to have a smear done, has no real bearing on how I feel in that moment. Powerless, afraid, exposed and something painful jabbing me up my hoohah.
Luckily a smear is over much quicker. And, instead of ruining my life like he tried to, it is something being done to possibly save my life. So as a responsible mother, daughter, sister, girlfriend to those who matter to me I get it done.
It's easy to forget how lucky we are in the UK to have these things and take them for granted to the point we moan about having them.
How I overcome my fears.
Mostly in these matters, I try to be grateful. Grateful that I am here, in the UK, in safety, having these things done and that I currently do not have many health problems to worry about. I’m also not in a situation where I do not feel safe any more.
Imagine how the people in third world countries, or those starving in the war zones, or who do not have a good health care system, or who are still trapped in abusive relationships must feel, when cancer comes calling on top of all their other problems.
I should remember to be more grateful, more often, for many things. I AM grateful. But, it still doesn't make it fun.
So I'm laying here sore, with shot nerves, but things could be worse. So I'll be glad that the NHS is there to help keep people like me safer and healthier.
Check your tits and get your bits scratched. It will be one of the most sensible decisions you ever make, even if you would rather not do it.
Today’s Sub Stats:
I got my first unsubscribe … I guess it was bound to happen at some point, but it’s ok. I can’t be everyone’s cup of tea all the time, and Substack does mean a hell of a lot of overwhelm for email inboxes.
Hi, I know how you felt, I hated my smear test, just remember it won’t go on forever, just until you reach that magical cut off age of 70,! it seems all things stop then, the mammogram as well. I think that was the worst, how can anyone come up with these torture trials for women, and nothing for men, just shows what I always thought , it has to be men who think up these things!! Ha,ha. Have a cuppa and watch a bit of t.v.